Allow me a bit of self disclosure, please: I am a byproduct of Latin America’s civil wars who was raised by couple of illiterate wolverines. I come from a place where child abuse and child labor were key to a nurturing, safe environment. Television and infomercials held the ultimate truth and, the idea of a 12 year old reading Corin Tellado or Proust was punishable by Chinese water torture.
So, I almost died laughing when I read Stuff White People Like, a satirical blog by Chris Lander. It softly ridicules the fondness and self-importance of the sophisticated, well-educated and well-versed population in the U.S.
As I laughed my ass off, I scrambled to find out How and when I became a white person? Am I what sociologists would deem a misplaced first generation immigrant with a desperate flare for upward mobility?
Thus, in an effort to embrace my idiosyncrasies and laugh at the life that shaped me, I share with you –in bullet points- the fact that I am a white person by proxy. A wanna-be Mara Salvatrucha wolf dressed in sheep's clothing made by Michael Kors and Nannette Lepore; a Salvie, who didn’t swim to the land of the free, due to her immense fear of water. One who came to this country by way of American Airlines, with the unknown purpose of eventually refuting the myths of fellow sociologists and their theories of First Generation Immigrants.
This is Me, in a nutshell. All material below directly quoted from www.stuffthatwhilepeoplelike.com
- KILL YOUR TELEVISION: The number one reason why white people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don't have a TV.
- ORGANIC FOOD: Because of the balance of global wealth and power, there is a general assumption that white people are pretty shrewd. And for the most part, history has proven this to be true. But white people have one great weakness: organic food.
- THEIR CHILDREN ARE IN THE GIFTED AND TALENTED PROGRAMS: The way it works is that white kids that are actually smart are quickly identified as "gifted" and take special classes and eventually end up in college and then law school or med school. … (WAIT, IT GETS BETTER:) If a white kid gets crappy grades and can't seem to ever do anything right in school, they are still gifted! How you ask? They are just TOO smart for school. They are too creative, too advanced to care about the trivial minutiae of the day to day operations of school.
- DAVID SEDARIS: white people go crazy and will pay hundreds of dollars to hear him read from his own book. Let me say that again, they will pay money to see someone read from a book they have already read. They know the jokes are coming, they know the punch lines, but they feel the need to hear the author actually say it.
- YOGA: Yoga is also an expensive activity. It gives white people the chance to showcase their $80 pants. The cost of four yoga classes is equal to the amount of money it would take to pay for uniforms and travel costs of an AAU Basketball team in the inner city. Lastly like other stuff that white people like, yoga feels exotic and foreign (ties into post #2 about eastern religions) and deep down in some way, white people feel that participation makes up for years of colonial rule in India
- NOT YOUR PARENT’S RELIGION: Popular choices include Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah and, to a lesser extent, Scientology. A few even dip into Islam, but it's much more rare since you have to give stuff up and actually go to Mosque. Mostly they are into religion that fits really well into their homes or wardrobe and doesn't require them to do very much.
- DINNER PARTIES: The dinner party is the opportunity for white people to be judged on their taste in food, wine, furniture, art, interior design, music, and books. Outside of dictatorships and a few murder trials, there might not be a more rigorous judgment process in the modern world.
- SARAH SILVERMAN: White people love to laugh, so it’s no surprise that some of the funniest people in the world are white! But do not believe that white people find all types of humor funny. BET Comicview for example is not considered funny, and white people generally get little to no enjoyment out of the program.
*There's a ton more, but I didn't want to drag your ass into boredom for the sake of reading my entire list of my newfound ethnicity.
